As a fork in the road sprung a leak in my life a few months ago, it left me reevaluating things and thinking what is important to me? Of course, there is family—this includes my pack of animals—and friends at the top of the list. I would have to say that creating peace, love, and compassion in my heart comes next. If I cannot bring these to my heart, how can I for someone else? I would also have to gain wisdom and the courage to apply these things into my life.
That being said, two things come to mind. First, two faults that I have at the moment are procrastination and lack of motivation. Two qualities that make it very difficult to get things done. This is weird considering my background as a Marine. If anyone knows a Marine you know they lead a disciplined life. At least I know I did when I was on active duty and up unto my depression. My best bet is to get back to a routine every day to try to develop consistency. However, it seems the harder I try the harder it is to do. MEF is telling me otherwise. What is MEF you may ask? Well that is the little voice in the back of my mind saying all the negative things that hold me back; MEF—My Evil Friend. I borrowed that from Ed in the book The Buddha, Geoff, and Me.
Second, I am looking for an anchor. In my past, as I have said before I have been a disciplined human being, however, since my recent recovery from depression, anxiety, and a failed relationship I feel I am in a tailspin, out of control, out of focus, and lacking motivation. I need something to put my life back together and to have meaning.
I never was a believer in GOD this is why I turn to Buddhism. The Christian traditions did not have anything for me. I have done research—as you know from my previous posts concerning My Journey in life—and I am looking to get involved but have no idea which tradition of Buddhism. My only insight is my own research online and reading books. There are not a whole lot of resources where I live. It frustrates me that there are so many different traditions, which one do I follow? In my research, I have found Jodo-Shin, Vipassana, Kagyu Tibetan, Zen, Bon Tibetan, Soka Gakkai, Vajrayana, Mahayana, Pure Land, Theravada, and Nichiren. I am sure there is more but these are just to mention a few. I read about or come across a new tradition daily. Each tradition has its minute differences but all have the same basic beliefs. Maybe I will see what I can find around my city and start there.
If anyone has insight on any of these traditions or others, I would be gladly appreciative if you shared your knowledge and experiences.
My next step is to learn meditation. I have meditated for about a week and it looks promising. I still have a lot to learn.
Life is not going to stop still while I recover; I have to keep going…LIFE GOES ON! I am excited to see what is around the next corner or fork in the road.