As a fork in the road sprung a leak in my life a few months ago, it left me reevaluating things and thinking what is important to me? Of course, there is family—this includes my pack of animals—and friends at the top of the list. I would have to say that creating peace, love, and compassion in my heart comes next. If I cannot bring these to my heart, how can I for someone else? I would also have to gain wisdom and the courage to apply these things into my life.
That being said, two things come to mind. First, two faults that I have at the moment are procrastination and lack of motivation. Two qualities that make it very difficult to get things done. This is weird considering my background as a Marine. If anyone knows a Marine you know they lead a disciplined life. At least I know I did when I was on active duty and up unto my depression. My best bet is to get back to a routine every day to try to develop consistency. However, it seems the harder I try the harder it is to do. MEF is telling me otherwise. What is MEF you may ask? Well that is the little voice in the back of my mind saying all the negative things that hold me back; MEF—My Evil Friend. I borrowed that from Ed in the book The Buddha, Geoff, and Me.
Second, I am looking for an anchor. In my past, as I have said before I have been a disciplined human being, however, since my recent recovery from depression, anxiety, and a failed relationship I feel I am in a tailspin, out of control, out of focus, and lacking motivation. I need something to put my life back together and to have meaning.
I never was a believer in GOD this is why I turn to Buddhism. The Christian traditions did not have anything for me. I have done research—as you know from my previous posts concerning My Journey in life—and I am looking to get involved but have no idea which tradition of Buddhism. My only insight is my own research online and reading books. There are not a whole lot of resources where I live. It frustrates me that there are so many different traditions, which one do I follow? In my research, I have found Jodo-Shin, Vipassana, Kagyu Tibetan, Zen, Bon Tibetan, Soka Gakkai, Vajrayana, Mahayana, Pure Land, Theravada, and Nichiren. I am sure there is more but these are just to mention a few. I read about or come across a new tradition daily. Each tradition has its minute differences but all have the same basic beliefs. Maybe I will see what I can find around my city and start there.
If anyone has insight on any of these traditions or others, I would be gladly appreciative if you shared your knowledge and experiences.
My next step is to learn meditation. I have meditated for about a week and it looks promising. I still have a lot to learn.
Life is not going to stop still while I recover; I have to keep going…LIFE GOES ON! I am excited to see what is around the next corner or fork in the road.
Peace
Great to hear from you, Frank.
Thanks, Professor.
I know the feelings and the “tailspin” of which you have written – the depression and anxiety – and wanting a structured path as a cornerstone but not being certain where it is. I don’t have any clear answers for you, but know that I stand with you in hope. Peace . . .
Thank you for you words and support.
Good luck with it all Frank. I would not get too worried with the small differences but try what is easy to attend, only you will know which is right for you and that is probably by going. Following the loss of my sister I did a number of workshops and meditation and other such practises all helped in a way that for me the traditional church would not have done. Trust your instincts Frank and good luck. MM 🍀
Thank you, MM.
Morning Frank! 🙂
Good attitude because life does go on and if we don’t go with it? We drown in our own negative thoughts. We are much more than people that have suffered Depression. You sound wonderful and an Ex- marine? When you get the meditation down pat? That internal drive will slowly come back. I too meditate when my world spins out of control. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Loved your post, hugs from Oz, Paula xx
Thanks for the support and kind words, Paula.
Peace!!!
To pull yourself out is key. Buddhism is a religion like any other. Whatever dogma is followed, the personal path is what makes the difference. I say that as prep. When you, as a former active Marine said ‘MEF’, I immediately thought MEF as in Marine Expeditionary Force. They’re big, they’re sluggish at times, but they’re also self sufficient. (Ok and maybe they’re a little evil, but mostly they’re good. Lol) So are you. I can’t help you pick a religion, but I have faith your journey will lead you to your own unique way home. Maybe you could start by rethinking the MEF inside from something bad to something good. Peace. (Sorry, what do you expect from an Army guy, joint service officer?) 😉
Very helpful information. Sometimes the struggle to pull myself out of it seems overwhelming but with my newly found tools will help me along the way. Thanks, Army Guy. Semper Fi !
Hooah! …that’s Ranger for ‘Oorah’ ; )
Keep plugging away Frank. The path will become clear.
Thank you for your comment.
love this
Thank you for the comment and the follow. I hope you enjoy your time in my world.
Peace!!!
Listen to your own heart, do what feels right and makes sense to you. Taking time for yourself through meditation will help you find your path. Wishing you a safe journey, A.
Thanks for the words of wisdom.
Peace.
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Hi Frank 😀 I could have written this post almost word for word almost 30 years ago. Military, out into civilian life, marriage dissolved, etc. I came to realise for me that I had been pretty much cared for all my life, boarding school, army and my sanity only returned when I was contracting in the Middle East…..cared for again !! Over time I have learned to live on my own but with friends always at hand. That works for me.
A bit of advice. Don’t try to force a recovery. I went that route and almost committed suicide at an extremely lowest point of my life. A circle of close friends is the answer I reckon. (I wish there were blogs around when I went through it !!) Take care. Ralph 😀
Hi Ralph. Thanks for the advice. It does always help to have close friends.
Peace
It surely does 😀